My childhood forced me to grow up quickly; my parents were going through a lot, so I didn’t want to be another burden on them. My thought process was: get good grades, don’t act out and be nice to strangers.

Around the age of eight, I experienced my world colliding, a thought that never crossed my mind; my parents’ love for each other had ended. My whole life was uprooted. Both of my parents made mistakes and both of them did things to each other they shouldn’t. 

I was eight playing Roblox on my iPad, I heard ruckus and went outside my room to see that horrific sight. Surprisingly, I didn’t cry. At that moment I don’t think I remembered how to cry. I don’t know why, but for some reason, the only way I can recall the reaction I had is in third person. I can see the little girl in shock looking out the window. The image of my dad running up the stairs yelling at me to get back in my room, will never leave my mind.

I don’t remember the exact date my parents officially split, as in living in different houses, because I try not to think about it. The way it happened could have happened in many different ways. I remember thinking from that day on forward that if you don’t love each other anymore, just separate. In the end, trying to “fix” things or “staying together because of the kids” will blatantly end in an unhappy couple or a load of unwanted trauma. 

To this day, and many more to come, I will stick with being happy over staying together for the kids, because what I went through and continue to go through everyday. Why cheat? Just end the relationship. You cheat because you aren’t getting what you need from the other person. Just end it. 

In my household, I felt safe, I felt loved, everything an eight year old could ask for. I always felt like I had my parents right by my side, often my mother, but in truth, I am the youngest, so I was a daddy’s girl. Not that after that night I didn’t feel safe or loved, I just knew the problems were beyond my control. 

This shifted my perspective of love completely for myself. I grew up thinking you could only truly love one person, one love of your life. How I see love now is completely different from what I thought. Love to me isn’t you saying the word every day, it’s showing the dedication and thoughtfulness behind an action. Recently, someone came into my life and taught me the simplicity of love. Even if it’s as simple as giving me forehead kisses or making a bouquet for me on Valentine’s day with flowers I pointed out two weeks prior.