For most, high school is marketed as the best thing to ever happen in people’s lives, but for me, it was a lonely journey of trying to find myself and who I was. I moved from California to Oklahoma at the start of my freshman year, leaving my friends and sense of familiarity behind. I spent the first day of high school eating lunch in the bathroom stall, paralyzed with feelings I couldn’t understand. 

While I was struggling with adjusting to moving and finding a sense of self, I was also processing the abandonment of my biological father. With both issues being emphasized at that moment in my life, I was sent on a downward spiral of emotions. I was angry, exhausted, and to be completely honest, I hated myself. I stopped fueling my body and lost my sense of worth, simply trying to grasp day-to-day life.

I couldn’t speak to anyone about what I was feeling-my parents were adjusting to their new work life in Oklahoma, and I didn’t want to put my burdens on my 12-year-old sister. Additionally, I didn’t have any friends or peers to talk to.

If you are feeling drained, invisible or overwhelmed with your life, here’s what I learned from my hardest years of life: 

      1. Prioritize yourself 

In my opinion, the most important aspect of high school is not your GPA, but your mental health. I spent years ignoring my feelings until I started therapy. Just learning how to identify how my body feels and what I need in the moment changed some aspects of my life. It’s okay to take breaks if you are mentally unwell, as sometimes pushing yourself harder can only lead to more problems, such as burnout. 

      2. Control what you can, and learn to let go of things you cannot control

A turning point in my life was realizing that my father’s departure and my family’s move were out of my control. I wasted too much energy being angry at things I could not change. Once I accepted that it was not my fault, I stopped reacting to the past and focused on what was in front of me. 

      3. Physical health is mental health 

I learned the hard way that you cannot support a healthy mind with an exhausted body. During my sophomore and freshman years, I was not fueling myself properly, which fueled my hatred for myself more than ever. Rest is not a luxury; it is a necessity.  

      4. Remember, everything is temporary

When you’re in the middle of hardships, it feels like it could go on forever. High school is a season,          not a lifetime. When taking a closer look, everything is merely that, just a season. The loneliness, the stress, the social pressure, it all eventually comes to an end. I like to think of it as a very long train passing by, knowing that it will eventually come to an end.   

My final piece of advice is to be patient with where you are in life and to give yourself grace. Even when you feel like you’re falling behind, every struggle helps shape you as a person, growing you to become a strong individual. Take it day by day, find a new hobby that makes you feel like you and have faith that everything will work out.